It hurts too much to write. I hurt so bad right now I can’t see the computer screen. I just read what someone wrote to me after the mother’s day blog- that I have no choice. I have to keep on keepin’ on. That is exactly it. I have no choice. I feel like that is just the hardest part of all- to keep doing the normal stuff. When I do laundry I think of his laundry missing. When I make dinner which is really never, more like buy pizza or pick up chicken it is a noticeably smaller amount. When I play with my with my kids outside it is ALL I think about. What he was like when he was 3. How he looked shooting hoops. How he looked pushing Brady on the swing.
When is he going to walk in the door again. I just can’t believe it. How did I lose my baby boy.
Once upon a time I didn’t know how I was ever going to be a mother. I was 20 years old, just finishing my sophomore year at Calvin College. I was pregnant. No one at Calvin was ever pregnant. I almost switched schools but at the last minute decided I didn’t care if people stared at me. It was some of the hardest months of my life. I felt quite strongly I wasn’t ready to be a single Mom. So I went to Bethany Christian Services and they talked me through everything and were very understanding. They didn’t try to sway me either way but instead helped me see that it was possible to raise my baby.
Lucas Elliot Van Sprange was born January 6, 2000. My beautiful boy. An incredible blessing from God.
I don’t understand why I couldn’t have had my blessing longer.
I loved him so much. I still love him so much. He was an amazing person.
That is why I cannot let a 16th go by without honoring him in some way. By doing some good in the world like he would be doing if he was here.
I would like to Give Back this month to a place that helped me- Bethany Christian Services -by counseling me as a terrified pregnant college student.
They also have a branch where they relocate refugees. People who have gone through pain and hardship and are strangers moved to a new place. They often have nothing.
Bethany has asked for donations of things like diapers, wipes, laundry detergent, toilet paper, toiletries, bedding and pillows. I have donation tables set up at Forest Hills Central, Eastern, and Northern High schools May 15 through 22. You can also leave things on my front porch. If you would like to donate and are not near to the Forest Hills area, please message me and we can figure out a way to pick it up.
Thank you with all my heart for helping me remember Lucas in a meaningful way.