I still don’t really accept my son’s death.  OK not at all.  I don’t think there will ever be a day where I truly am good with it. That seems pretty impossible.  I think I am at the tip of the iceberg of comprehending it.  I keep feeling like I am about to fall from a cliff at any moment where I will be immersed in the reality of his absence.  Right now I feel sick and heartbroken and tired.  Very very tired. Yet held. Held by the saviors arms.  Held up by prayer.

Today at church it was absolutely perfect. Every song and every word went straight into my heart and just made it swell.  For a moment I thought, Lucas is not next to me like he always was.  That hurt.  Yet I just kept focusing on the beauty of the service.  The sermon was spot on.  It was about accepting people. It was a Lucas sermon.

Romans 15:7

“Accept one another then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”

Lucas was really good at that. Way better than I was.  That was something I always struggled with, dealing with people who bugged me for whatever reason.  I would starting talking bad about them and he would always stop me.  He was always gently guiding me into being a better person.  I remember when he was in kindergarten there was a little girl who had down’s syndrome and his teacher would tell me how much he wanted to help her in any way he could.   He absolutely positively accepted people for who they were.  He not only accepted but loved and cared for them.  He had a good word to say about everyone. Acceptance is so hard for many many people.  If they don’t look like us, act like us, talk like us, even believe like us, they’re not in the club.  I am absolutely guilty of this.  Yet I will never look at things the same way now.  We need to accept  not just because its the nice thing to do…but because it is how Christ accepted us.  As Bob King said this morning, Christ didn’t just look at us and say,” Ok fix yourselves, straighten yourself out, and then I’ll save you”.  No he accepts and saves the dirtiest and filthiest of sinners.  We are all different and we are all children of God.

Keep Lucas’s legacy going…Accept one another.

11 Responses to acceptance

  1. cindy says:

    Such a wonderful lesson, and so very true! I think we all have to remember where we came from. Not one of us better than the other. God created each of us and each different so we can learn from one another. Thank-you Melissa! I pray for you each day.

  2. Jodi Manley says:

    I love that you went to church today. So very important for the soul. Accepting your days to be hard, but still walking toward Him. Your words are so raw, pure, honest, and convicting. Thank you for writing. Thank you for pouring your heart out for everyone to take a minute to look inward and reflect on their own heart. This past week has left me both invigorated and mournful. I am so trying to see people from Gods eyes. Making an effort to smile, open the door for someone, asking someone about their day. Not that I wasn’t that way before but now being intentional about it now. Dying to myself. So amazing how a 15 year boy can impact this world. I pray it will have a ripple effect.

  3. Melissa,

    In one of your entries you shared that you didn’t want or couldn’t be mad at God for this…..having lost my mom when I was 7 when she was brutally murdered, I finally grieved in my 30’s and I was PISSED!!!! The good news is that as I railed against God and shared every swear word that I knew against Him and all the pain that was in my heart, head and body I trusted that HE could take it and wasn’t offended by my disrespect at all. Instead, I think He honored my guttural, honest, vulnerable feelings of being left behind and lost……in time, may you find comfort in that you can be angry, happy, sad, grateful, pissed and joyful ALL at the same time……….my desire is to offer you my experience of freedom and not to hinder your process of grief that will flow like Grief Waves which is what we call them at Ele’s Place where I volunteer to offer free help to children and teens to process their grief of a loved one (or as you are currently experiencing, Grief Typhoons, that’s what I sometimes call them).

    From my heart to your heart…..

    • I wholeheartedly agree that everyone grieves differently, you are right many people are angry and that is totally acceptable. I just know in my heart that God is a loving God and doesn’t will death. He is a God of life, creation, beauty…he grieves with us.

  4. eshier365 says:

    Still praying. As I make dinner, as I fold laundry…really any time the Lord whispers your name to me. Just wanted you to know.

  5. Mick Brouwer says:

    Melissa keep on writing not only for you but you are such a blessing to every one else

  6. keb029 says:

    This is one (of many) things i have learned from Lucas. I too am so guilty of passing judgement, or opening my mouth, well when it should stay closed. I was AMAZED , in absolute awe as i listened to people describe Lucas last Wednesday. I strive daily to live a life that by age 15 Lucas lived, and he loved it fully, wholeheartedly. In honor of Lucas, i am teaching my daughter (and my sons when they’re old enough) to look for the good in people. Each time we meet someone we are going to find something we like about them (their shirt, hair, shoes, smile etc) my hope is that it becomes natural for them throughout life to see the beauty in others instead of being quick to judge them. We call it the LUCAS way… Thank you for sharing Melissa, i love this message. Lifting you up..

  7. Kelly says:

    Beautifully said, Melissa. Lucas was so wise, not only intellectually, but emotionally and spiritually. These reminders of being Christ-like are living on through Lucas. Thank you.

  8. Camile Jordan says:

    Your entries are beautifully written and very powerful. Your a wonderful person and you inspire me. Keep writing. Lucas sounds like he was a wonderful person. I’m so sorry for the lose of your child. I can’t even wrap my brain around how any mother deals with this. Love your message in this entry. You are wise and strong women. Thamk you.

  9. Melissa,
    I made my first attempt at “acceptance” today. I have unblocked my sister on Facebook. It seems like a small thing and one that should not have ever happened. It is a long story……but I decided to risk letting her back in. Even if it is only in the digital way. Acceptance is so very hard. I am a fighter by nature. I DON’T want to accept things and how they are what they are. I want to change it. I want to make it different. As I get older the more I shy away from drama. I have learned that limiting contact with people who are destructive is sometimes the best way. Today, because of your post, I have handed the digital olive branch to my sister. I pray it wasn’t a mistake, but I don’t regret doing it. Someone has to try, right?
    Love and blessings.

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