Do not fear

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Today felt like black Friday. Cold, dark, desolate, hopeless.   I woke up with one sentence in my head. “He slipped through my fingers.” I tried to shake it off but I found myself slogging through my morning with that phrase running repeating over and over and over…

I had read it somewhere the night before.  It just was so heavy on my heart, that visualization of a priceless precious diamond, so rare it could be found no where else in the world, one of a kind- slipping out of my fingers into the depths of the ocean.

Except that diamond was a person, far more valuable than any object the world over, absolutely irreplaceable, and not just at the depths of the ocean.  If that were true I would search relentlessly, never ever stopping.

I felt lost and empty. Regretful. Hopeless.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

At one point I took a took a workout shirt of his that had just been hanging around that I kept throwing here and there hoping not to look at it- and I ventured downstairs.  To where his room is.  I have not looked in its direction nor ventured into it since the day of celebration of life.  I still do not know how I went down there to write the speech I had written that day.

His room is around the corner in the basement so I don’t have to see it unless I…walk around that corner.  I for some reason almost dared myself to do it, just approach the open door to throw the shirt it.  So I did.  The result was immediate scorching pain like a hot branding iron on my heart. To see the bed that had sat empty for nearly three months. That emptiness, that void that echoed my heart.  I ran upstairs sobbing.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I know God is there.  I know it.  I believe it with my whole being.  I know he is there when I don’t think I can feel him.  Today I felt an absence, a “why couldn’t you save my precious diamond?”  I truly felt robbed.  I felt feelings that I haven’t completely acknowledged before.  It was a terrible, terrible feeling.

Tomorrow is another day.  Another day that God will be there to wrap me in his blanket of mercy if I will let him.  He has NEVER left and will NEVER leave.

My Sunday is coming…someday I will join my diamond. The bonds of death have been broken. He is risen.

Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay everyone for what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” Revelation 22: 12-13

secondcoming


3 Responses to Do not fear

  1. Ann says:

    Melissa, I’ve been thinking of you and praying for you. I am so very sorry and can’t begin to imagine your pain, although I have a 14 year old son. Your blog is inspiring and hopeful. God bless you and your family. Will keep you in my prayers for your continued strength and healing.

  2. Kristina says:

    What a beautiful, raw, and real post. I’m so glad that you are able to identify and name your feelings. It will be the path to healing, or as close to healing as you can get. I don’t know you or your family, but I feel I do reading your beautiful posts. I’ve prayed for you and your family since the day of the accident. My heart breaks for you, but I’m so glad to see that you draw closer to God though this. Without Him, there is nothing. God bless you all.

  3. Brian says:

    We are still praying for you and your family daily. That He will give you strength to face and will carry you through each of these challenges.

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