empty spaces

Today all I could think about was empty places.  Sometimes my mind just goes places that I don’t want it too…

The empty chair at the table

The empty desk at school

The locker getting dusty

The bed that no one lies in.

It’s so wrong God.  I don’t understand.  The clothes laying unworn in his dresser.  The place on the bleacher at the basketball game where he should have sat.  Cheering on his team.

Instead we are celebrating his “life.” Past tense.

What a cruel, cruel world- how does it keep spinning every day?

How did I get left behind when he and I belonged together?

I just MISS him.  Lord how can there be so much pain. How do I survive.  I don’t know how I do, except I do.  You never know how strong you are unless being strong is your only choice.  For your kids.  If he is worth grieving over they are worth living for.

I just MISS him.

I tried to have fun tonight- go out with some girlfriends, celebrate birthdays- I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  I wanted to be at home watching a movie with him.

God show your face to me because I don’t know how this all works. Nothing in this awful world seems salvageable when your baby boy is gone.  We belonged together.  I should be with him.

God show me there is a way to get through this pain.  That the world is still somehow…good?

I just MISS him.

Psalm 34:18

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

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