Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. In the morning when I wake I pray the path of love to take. God bless Mommy, Daddy, Lucas, Brooklyn, Brenna, Bryleigh, and Brady…
The list goes on to list relatives, sick people, all the little children in the world…
My daughter Bryleigh’s prayer. It breaks my heart every time. I wish I didn’t have to write about my broken heart EVERY time I sit in front of the computer.
Oh God, Why? Why? Why?
Not my precious boy. I cannot fathom a lifetime without him and I TRY so hard not to think about it. I try not to think about the next day or the next or the next but I can’t help it.
Today was a beautiful spring day and I played outside with the little ones for hours and I missed him EVERY second of EVERY minute. The outside screams Lucas to me. The outside sings Lucas to me. The outside pulsates with everything that is Lucas. The garage is filled with baseballs and his pitching helmet. I can see him shooting baskets at the hoops. I see him in the lawn throwing the ball up in the air and hitting it with his bat nearly across the street. We have a huge lawn. The back yard where he shot his bow and arrow for hours at a time and shot his bb gun at squirrels. It’s where he shot of fireworks, as many as humanly possible.
Then there’s the swing set where I will be spending much of my summer. Where he pushed Bryleigh and Brady so many times. So many times I would say when he got off the bus, “hey buddy can you push them for a little bit while I put some laundry in?”
He can’t be gone. He can’t. He can’t. He can’t. Oh God I loved him so much so much so much he can’t be gone I loved him so much.
He was the most beautiful soul. This note was found in his room after…
Dear Papa Doug,
Thank you so much for being the person you are. I look up to you, respect you, and I think you are the best grandfather I could ask for. I am so grateful for your wisdom, selflessness and compassion. Thanks for being such an important part of my life, Lucas
God bless Lucas.
If I could only have half the heart he had…
II Corinthians 12:9
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I will keep praying for God’s power to be perfected in my weakness.