There is a song called Great is Thy Faithfulness. It says “morning by morning new mercies I see”
That is what I thought of when I woke up this morning. I haven’t sung that song in ages, but those were the words I thought of. It’s always hard to wake up and realize that it’s still true. It wasn’t a nightmare. To feel that heaviness in my heart, that ache. To look at my sweet two year old next to me (he sleeps with me) and realize he won’t know him as he grows up. It’s going to be a struggle. The struggle of my life to figure out what to do with that hole in my life that just can’t be filled. The broken heart that can’t be healed.
Yet morning by morning new mercies I see. I can get out of bed in the morning. That’s a real plus. I can put one foot in front of the other. I can breathe. I have had people blessing me in every way possible. Just bathing us in their love and prayers.
I have somehow been able to laugh. The picture of my son trying to ride piggy back on his friend Christian. Just try to picture a 6 foot 4, 195 boy (well he was kind of a man) attempting to ride on the back of his, well, quite a bit smaller friend. Cracks me up. So many things have brought me joy, and I think that’s Lucas. That’s exactly what he would want and he’s sending me from heaven. We would always joke about how he wasn’t funny. Like, he would try to be but it wouldn’t exactly work. It was funny that he tried to be funny and couldn’t be funny. Yet he laughed. a lot.
I have been able to answer a question that I have had running through my head. The saying is, “everything happens for a reason.” Well that just didn’t sit right with me. Not a bit. No not my son dying. Well I decided that is not true. Its not everything happens for a reason, its God can take any situation and use it for his glory. He can take any horrific occurense and use it to reveal himself. To show us salvation, love, grace, and mercy.