I want his spirit to live on…

Its 6 am.  I know  alot of people are awake usually at this time but not me.  I have three of my sweet babies and a kitty in my bed pushing me out, and of course my mind is racing. I can’t shut it down.

I want the world to know what a loss this was.  What an incredible person Lucas was.  His heart….oh his heart.  It was as pure as gold.  I always thought to myself when he was alive, I don’t deserve this boy. I don’t deserve this boy.  What will stand out to me the most is his compassion.  He understood and loved me like no one else could.  He knew I had depression and often had bad days.  The first thing he would say when he came home was, “how was your day momma?” “what did you do?”  and he would give me a big hug.  Whenever he sensed something was wrong, he would walk up to me with his arms open.  Precious, precious, boy.  I don’t understand why God needed him so early but he truly was an angel already on earth.  I never heard him say a bad word about anyone. Ever. He just wanted to love people, show them respect, kindness, make their day a little better.  He may not have always been understood by his friends because of his maturity.  He was quiet.  Didn’t always engage in typical high school drama.  It was always hard for him to fit in because he just wasn’t like his peers.  It was hard for him.  I fear he may have been a bit withdrawn, maybe even shy.  He often expressed to me how hard it was for him to talk to other people.  He really bonded to his two close friends, Christian and Jakob.  They were his circle, his comfort, his confidantes.  Though he may not have always had the ability to connect with everyone he wanted to, he loved everyone.  Anyone and everyone.

What a loss.  Why God………


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